Reflections IV
August 3rd, 2022wow, it's been a while since i updated the site or posted any blogs, huh? it's just been lops and work all the way down over here. well, that and the upcoming site overhaul that i've been working away at! here's a WIP screenshot:
a lot simpler, and i think much neater and easier to navigate. i'm also making sure this time to keep the site as accessible as possible. it's taking quite a long time because i have to re-structure everything, and though i'm gonna TRY to figure out how to use a theme switcher, it might take a while - so it's possible we'll lose the cute starry theme... although i literally just realized while typing this that i can just mess with the css and fix the problem that's been keeping me from finishing that theme this entire time. SO! perhaps we'll keep the purple and yellow after all! guess we'll find out once the big update rolls out.
lately i've been doing really well, but i've noticed that i'm struggling a lot more to manage my ADHD day-to-day. there are a few reasons why i think this is happening, but for the most part i honestly think the issue is that because my lifestyle has changed so dramatically, the meds that worked when i was unemploye and sedentary aren't nearly as effective when i'm employed and extremely active.
speaking of which - i got an electric bike! it's a big, heavy, old bike that i got secondhand just a couple of days ago. it's also really tall. i'm still figuring it out - but i really, really like it! it's certainly making my rides to and from work a lot easier. it's a mountain bike too so it's SUPER stable, which i prefer over speed.
lately, all i've been listening to is metal. this is gonna be reflected in my august playlist once i do it, i'm certain. right now i'm SUPER into kittie, hazzerd, and system of a down. i'm finding that my favourite styles of metal are really intense speed/power metal, and stuff with interesting vocals and screams. a beloved friend and i had a metal night the other week that was extremely fun! we just sat around and smoked and chatted and listened to my friend's music. they're much more into doom, stoner and sludge metal than i am, but we both love all of it. when we were talking about the genre, they said that doom metal feels like a comforting, warm blanket to them. i think i feel similarly about speed metal, though the relaxation i feel is more that speed metal kind of provides an outlet how fast my brain goes and how much is going on. it matches my pace and that's comforting for me!
i'm getting pretty strong from work, and my bosses have consistently given me good feedback. i was late for one of my shifts recently and that night i had a dream that i was late again and my boss texted me "Time 2 die". i have not stopped thinking about that for the past week. i keep forgetting to tell her but i think she'll find it as funny as i do.
leaving it here for now - i'm working on a lop story so i don't wanna spend all my energy on this blog post. :)
Forecast II
June 23rd, 2022hi!! so this is gonna be a relatively short blog post. i have a rent inspection that i have to clean for. but it's been a while since i updated the site AND my blog and i wanted to share what i've been up to and what my plans are at the moment!
as far as what i've been up to: working, most days. my job is super physical so i've been pretty much exhausted the past few weeks, but i feel like i'm starting to finally get the hang of things now and i've definitely gotten stronger. i'm really liking it and i hope i keep enjoying it. everyone i work with is pretty chill, and we're allowed to drink water whenever we need to. a veritable paradise!
now, down to business: part of why i haven't been working on the webhole much is because i've not been sure what i actually wanna do with it, plus with my schedule changing so significantly i have a lot less time on my hands. it's been kind of good to take a break though, because it's given me time to think about and discuss what i wanna do next! here's my unofficial to-do list:
make a sitemap. this one's probably my first priority. it's kind of hard to get around my site if you're not the sort of person who likes just clicking random stuff. which brings me to my next item...
provide a start point for site exploration. my friend let me know that they love my site but haven't gone through it yet because they're overwhelmed and don't know where to start. we talked about it for a while and they suggested that i provide two choices to keep it simple and give people somewhere to begin looking through my site, which i really like!
work on general flow. i'll prob just make a bunch of little fixes and changes until i'm happy with how the site flows.
i'd love to get all of this done within the next month! i'll do my best anyway. i'm certain there's more stuff i've forgotten to put here, but i gotta leave some surprises.
Am I A Man?
June 12th, 2022gender is something that's a constant source of fascination and rumination for me, both as a concept and as applied to myself. there's not really a moment that goes by where i'm not, in some way, consciously thinking about my gender - typically my performance of it.
am i a man?
that's what's been on my mind recently. i have no doubt about myself: i'm a man because i say i am. that's not something i'm worried about at all. what i'm really asking is: what makes a man?
i'll be honest. i've taken my title and this concept from a video by chris fleming that shares the same title. it's extremely funny and i highly recommend watching it. but it also reflects my genuine personal feelings on manhood and masculinity as concepts, and i've been watching it once a week or so because lately, i've been thinking a lot more about this stuff.
for a long time - but especially since i started T again about a year ago - i've tried to pass as a cis man as much as possible when i'm out in public. i put a lot of work into it. i walk different, i lower my voice and speak in monotone, i bind my chest, i keep my beard unshaven and visible. i've always felt that this would keep me safe, prevent me from being attacked for not performing the right gender in the right way.
then i got a haircut at a barbershop and my hairdresser spoke to me as though i was a fellow cis man, and literally all of that fell the fuck apart.
i won't get into it because it sucked a lot of ass. he effectively just went through a laundry list of deeply inappropriate and extremely offensive jokes, all taken from a comedian he for some reason started talking about. when i called him out on it and said that shit isn't okay, he assumed i meant that i was on his side, and started complaining about how it's the SJWs' fault. (out loud! in real life! can you imagine!!!)
he thought i was cis. and i was sitting in that chair and all i could think about was how fucking unsafe and afraid i felt, how if i breathed wrong, spoke wrong, fucked up my performance in ANY way, he would realize that i wasn't his ally.
and afterward, i realized that meant he would stop feeling safe to say that fucked up shit to me.
how much of my gender expression have i carefully crafted to preserve the feelings of cis people who already hate my fucking guts no matter what i do?
even if i perform correctly. even if they see me as a cis man. if someone hates trans people, they hate me whether they know i'm trans or not. the dude straight up made a transphobic joke, not realizing it was at my expense. he said that because he sees trans people as a punchline, not something that a human being could be. or if they are human beings, they're weird, perverted, entitled, mentally ill, whatever.
why the FUCK should i give a shit how someone like that feels about me?
the moment i got out of that hairdresser, all i could think was: i need to look more trans. i never, ever fucking want anyone to talk to me like that again. i hate that he felt comfortable, felt GOOD, saying all that nasty shit to me unprompted. my skin was crawling the whole time. i've been fucking chased down and hurled slurs at and harassed and discriminated against and denied medical treatment for being trans for years, and i have genuinely never felt as deeply unsafe as a trans person as i did while getting that fucking haircut.
i don't want anyone to ever mistake me for a cis man ever again. and at this point, i'm actively trying to make sure they don't.
but that brings me circling back to what's been on my mind for weeks now: what is a man?
that hairdresser saw me as another man. that was why he said all that stuff. this is how he defines a man: someone that he can trust to say bigoted, horrible things to, as long as they're jokes, and face no repercussions - and be able to completely twist it around into a fucking compliment or something when he did face repercussions.
what's a man to me? i believe strongly that every single person defines their own gender entirely. but to be a man is to belong to a group of people with implied shared traits and experiences. what are those traits? what are those experiences? by being a man of my own volition, am i having the experiences of A Man? do i have the traits of one? what defines a man?
in a general societal sense, what i understand is that if i have a beard, a flat chest, a low voice, am quiet, don't wear anything too bright or flowy or tight, and walk a certain way, they will see me as a man. these are the signals that i also choose to put out, knowing this, because i do want them to read those signals and understand that i'm A Man, in that "typical" sense.
but those signals are for everyone else. it's like a sign i wear, a costume. it's easier for me if you can at least vaguely assume that i'm A Man, because i do not have the time or energy to explain to everyone that i'm not A Man, i'm just a man.
i've always tried to look like and act like A Man in public and even around family and friends, but honestly, i've totally fucking given up. i don't want to waste my energy. i'm not A Man and i never want to be! i don't want to fit into what a horrifying culture defines as the "correct" way to be a man! what a horrible way to torture myself when i don't feel that way and don't want to perform that!
i'm a man because i say i am. at work, everyone just treats me pretty normally, even though i'm very obviously an effeminate gay man and i'm not really hiding the fact that i'm trans at all. no matter what i do, i'm a man. i've been A Man before, too, before this hairdresser incident.
but never again after. if that's what A Man is, then i'm not that and i never will be.
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NOTE: these are not my entire thoughts on gender, masculinity, etc etc. this blog post is specifically about my personal feelings and experiences based on a very specific incident and don't reflect all of my feelings about everyone or everything on earth. it's complicated!
Three Years!
June 9th, 2022it's the morning of june 9th, and it's dark outside. rain is pouring down and i'm watching through the window as the trees sway in the wind. my room is lit by my heavy steel/lapis lazuli lamp, and i'm sitting in my bed on some pillows, wrapped up in my two blankets. and i'm wearing the coat my husband roman wore when i saw him for the very first time at the albuquerque airport. it's the warmest thing i own. i love it to pieces.
it's our three-year-anniversary today! and yesterday, too! our time zones are so far apart that most of the time we're experiencing a completely different day from each other. just how it is, living in australia and having loved ones across the world from you. so today i'm gonna talk about how much i love roman, and what it's been like to have him in my life.
roman and i had a lot of near misses before we actually met and became friends online. we were both in the steam powered giraffe fandom in the very early days of tumblr at the same time. we actually followed each other on twitter for a split second several years ago before i impulse-deleted my account hours later, something i did a lot back then. we'd been in each others' orbits through having consistent overlapping friends for years, but for whatever reason, we only ended up following each other on twitter and interacting in 2018.
the first time i saw a picture of roman, i thought he was so handsome! he's got pretty hair, his face shape is so lovely, he's got a really cute smile, he's just gorgeous all-round. i'm a little standoffish when making new friends or meeting new people, so it was still a little while before we talked one-on-one, but eventually we DM'd about some personal issue we both shared... then at some point after that, we started talking on discord. and our conversations quickly became an everyday occurence! roman very quickly became a part of my life that was very important to me, a beloved friend that i couldn't imagine going a day without having a conversation with. i also pretty quickly got a huge crush on him, but i'd just experienced an INCREDIBLY messy break-up and wasn't ready to date again. so i was happy just talking to him, having my crush, and enjoying my time with him.
we did flirt. a lot. in retrospect, it is actually kind of insane that it took me so long to figure out that he also had a crush on me. but for quite a while, neither of us really wanted to have a romantic relationship. we had a discussion once, where we talked about our personal feelings about dating - hypothetically, were either of us ready to date someone? completely hypothetical, of course. nothing going on here. we both shared the feeling of liking the idea of dating and being interested in it, but not being ready for that kind of commitment and lifestyle change yet.
so we kept talking, kept being sweet on each other and flirting and just being silly. on his birthday in 2019, roman and i called for the first time and he showed me how to play second life! it's now a shared hobby of ours. it was extremely fun, and from that point onward we started calling and hanging out that way a lot more. and over time, both of our feelings grew until finally, roman asked me out while we played minecraft together!!! i was so nervous and excited the whole time that i just dug up a ton of holes and grass. he sung to me. those songs are still so special to me.
in march of 2020, for roman's birthday, i went and visited. a few days after i got there, the borders back to australia were locked down completely. so, i ended up spending the next four months living with roman, all the way up until early july. because of everything going on at the time, there was a huge amount of extremely stressful shit happening. outside of that, we were also experiencing a lot of extremely distressing personal stuff. being able to lean on each other throughout all of this was huge, and we live together exceptionally well! i still miss how well we worked together in an apartment so much.
there were a lot of fun times, too! before lockdown we went to a huge thrift shop and got some stuff, and the person working the counter gave me some of my stuff for free after finding out i'm australian (my power...). we also went to golden corral and i had hush puppies for the first time and i'm STILL thinking about them. we set up roman's wii and he hacked it and we played a ton of games on there! it was also just so wonderful and fun to spend time with him, sitting next to him on the sofa and cooking our meals together and watching movies and laying in his lap or cuddling him in bed.
we were both incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to be with each other. and since we had that opportunity... it's with me for the rest of my life. if i've kissed him once, i've kissed him for the rest of my life. i'll carry the weight of him in my arms forever. even when we're living together again. he's with me all the time.
coming home in july was really, really hard on both of us. roman was meant to move back to australia with me, but obviously, those plans had to be put on hold. i specifically really struggled with being apart from him - my BPD was completely out of control, and it led to me finally getting help for it so that i wasn't behaving like such an ass all the time. roman was such an incredible, steadfast support through this time, even when i was the worst version of myself, and too sick to understand what was going on around me and that i was hurting people and hurting myself. i'm so grateful to him for loving me still, for being insanely patient, and for kicking my ass into gear and making me get help. (i'm the kind of person who kind of needs to get a kick up the bum sometimes from people who care about me. sometimes it's the only thing that translates. bullheaded problems...)
over time, over years of loving each other and learning each other and communicating better and better... i think i only love roman more as every day goes by. and i think that roman feels the same way about me, too. i trust how much he loves me, and we know each other better than anyone else, in our own special way. it's so exciting!!! and i'm so lucky. i love someone who is so interesting and cool and smart and talented and who shares my thoughts on the things i find really important, and we challenge each other on things in a way that helps us both learn and understand each other better, and i literally cannot wait to have a dog with him and just spend time with him when he gets here - and i can't wait to talk to him whenever he next messages me, i can't wait til tomorrow when we'll have whatever conversation we have, i'm so excited to love him every single day!!!
it's wild that it's been three years since roman went to abq pride in some little gay shorts and asked me out after. i'm so happy i've had this time with such a beautiful person and i'm so excited to see what happens next!!!
that's all i have to say for now. tonight we're gonna have a dinner date and eat some chicken together while calling and watching movies. i'm so happy to love him. three YEARS!!!!!!!!!!
to close this out, here are some funny little gifs that make me think of him, or of us both!
Reflections III
June 5th, 2022so holy shit, i have a job and i don't even want to climb in a meat grinder about it.
i started work on tuesday, technically, but that shift was just an induction. i was pretty nervous that it'd turn out to be a really horrible workplace like my last few - hospitality has been an endless nightmare for me - but the induction went well. really well. it was just... normal. chill. i got the feeling that everyone working there was there to do their jobs and then not think about them whatsoever when they got home. i like that kinda style.
my first shift was the next day, and it went as well as it could've. up until then i still wasn't really sure what i'd be doing all day. but i got buddied up with a guy who'd been working there quite a while, and he showed me how to do a bunch of stuff. my coworkers and supervisors have all been completely normal people, which is insane. when i got out of my first shift, one of the biggest exciting things for me was that nobody was screaming their head off at anyone and we could drink water whenever we wanted.
so i work in a warehouse - big chain bulk grocery store. it's my first job of this kind. i've only ever worked hellish hospitality jobs up until this point, but i had just enough back end operations experience from my previous job in events that i scraped through into the merch team instead of being pushed to front end and having to cashier all day. it's part time! which is HUGE for me. in australia, we have something called casual workers, which is what i've always been - you get slightly higher pay, but no guaranteed hours and no sick/holiday pay. with this job, i'm contracted to 24 hours minimum per week! i'm so excited about it, my first goal is getting top surgery ASAP.
the work itself is pretty physical. we start with loading all our stock into the shelves, shifting and re-wrapping pallets as needed. then we move onto facing up, making everything look neat and tidy. in between this, we have to keep on top of our cardboard and plastic garbage and take it to box/plastic crushers every so often. it doesn't sound like much, but it's hard on your body if you're like me and have only started going to the gym very recently! all of my muscles hurt. especially my ass muscles. i'm squatting so damn much all the time.
my right wrist also hurts, but that's not necessarily because of work. i bought a scooter a couple weeks ago and it finally arrived on friday, so i decided i'd ride it to work for the first time saturday morning, since i was starting just after 4am. i'd been walking to and from work before that - it's only about 20, 25 minutes maybe - but i gotta say it's nice not having to walk all that way after working hard all morning. so, taking my scooter on saturday morning, i was pretty happy with well i was riding. then i got to my work's driveway and completely ate shit over a speed bump. i landed on my hands and knees and my right wrist took a lot of the fall. i was completely fine other than a few scratches, but... eh. right wrist is a little swollen and sore. BUT! tomorrow is my day off, so i'll be resting it plenty.
other than work, i've just been planning stuff for this site. i've got an idea for the record store - i'd like to have different records that i animate, maybe so that when you hover your mouse over them, they spin? idk, it might be fun. i also want to put up more stuff about my lops. all in good time.
tomorrow... chores. a lot of em. my room is a MESS. until i get a bit stronger and can come home from work without groaning and creaking like an old man, i might be a bit messier than usual. i'm also hanging out with a couple of my friends tomorrow to watch a hatsune miku concert! i'm not really into vocaloids, but i've heard miku concerts are really cool and i wanna hang out w my friends, so i'm excited for that!
oh, i patted a DOG today... his name was parker and he'd JUST had a bath. when i got home, my friends' cat was quite upset with my hand for having dog smell on it, but when i gave him the other hand to smell he calmed down. my friends' cat is also very afraid of my scooter helmet. i think he's convinced it's an actual part of my head that i'm taking off. he's very blind and not that clever.
signing off. my bedtime's getting earlier because of my super early starts. all this walking and riding in pitch black darkness is making my nervousness about travelling by night wear off even more. gettin' BRAVE now. watch out, owls and other night creatures... i'm about to join your ranks!
Reflections II
June 1st, 2022NOTE: Posted on 2/06/2022.
happy june, happy makuru, happy winter! it's getting cold here. we might be headed into triple-blanket territory.
i had my first shift at my new job today. i've been mentally preparing myself for it to be mentally and emotionally gruelling for Weeks, but... it was really good. like, completely chill. my manager told me we were a little understaffed so we'd be pretty busy, and what followed was the most relaxed, organized, safest work shift i've ever done in my life. i'm actually excited to get back to it. i have stuff i wanna challenge myself for. it's only been one day, so i may change my opinion later, but it honestly just looks like a genuinely decent workplace. that said... i'm gonna be mad if they don't pay me tomorrow.
my shifts are all in the early morning, so i walk to work, since i can't drive and i live close by. it's about 20 minutes to get there, maybe a little longer. right now, i'm really into it. i love waking up so early, i love that today i got to start my day so early and can finish it early too. i love having something to do.
something i've been thinking about: isn't music such a beautiful form of communication? it's such an incredible language. i love that i can read and write it, i love that i can hear it and sing or play it back. i love that music is a journey shared between you and an entity of noise, a gathering of sounds.
(sorry about all the collective nouns and running sentences and weird thoughts about language. i've been reading area x. vandermeer got me again.)
after work today, i called my beautiful husband, and we hung out and did stretches and then made dumb faces at each other and just chatted and hung out for a while... he had a really yummy recipe for a chicken, bacon and ranch pasta bake, which you can find here if you're interested! i was sooo jealous and so i'll probably make mac and cheese for myself soon.
i'm gonna miss my friends' cats (my nephews) when we all move... :( i like being able to talk to my loved ones whenever i want to and share a space with them. but i'm also ready to live on my own, i think. i'm ready to take some shit on! slowly but surely crawling out of this years-long depression is showing itself. i'm doing my best, and now i'm in a place where i can push that best to something more if i feel so inclined. it's nice.
oh, also, i'll be throwing info sheets about all the lop species up either here or some other spot, maybe the library, for anyone to read! they're just my slightly updated personal notes from a few years ago. hoping to do that by tonight, but not sure if i'll get to it yet, and wanted to post a blog first.
loving not using tumblr as much. i really like neocities. i like exploring and being online as an activity, not just scrolling!
i wanna make shorter status updates though, so i'm thinking of making a chatbox for the front page. might be a fun way to just Say Stuff, and people can interact if they want! i don't plan on being a huge website lol so i doubt anyone but friends will reply to anything.
i better get to making that food. everyone cast a spell to ensure that i get $250 tomorrow and can buy a treat.
Forecast I
May 30th, 2022i have an induction for my new job tomorrow! i've been really anxious about it since friday, when i got the email with my official job offer in it. it's part-time, which is ideal for me - i can't work full-time, and casual jobs suck ass because you don't get guaranteed hours. my minimum hours are at just the right amount for me right now, i think. it'll push me, but if i'm kept within within that general range, i don't think i'll burn out.
i'm excited, because i have a lot of goals that i can now actually plan and save for. i have motivation and patience, unlike my last real job in 2018-19. also, this job isn't a bullshit fancy job that wants me to be perfectly presentable while running tables across the complex a kilmoeter each way. it's just a basic company. nothing special.
but i'm also nervous, because i've never worked part-time before and i've never done this kind of work before, and i have no idea what to expect and where my boundaries should lie. i've been burned more than enough times in the events/fast food industry to be able to spot traps when they're placed, but i'm blind here. hopefully there won't be any traps for me to look out for.
i keep having nightmares where i get to the induction and they tell me they've actually moved me to the food service department, and it's really busy there and i have to learn everything from scratch right then and there when people are waiting and my coworkers are angry and everyone's getting underpaid and one of them tries to tell me it's fine that the JUG OF SOUR CREAM HAD GONE MOLDY.
...actually, most of that is just a memory of my last workplace. kebab shop. i worked there for maybe three weeks and it made me spiral into a previously unexperienced depth of depression that has only recently lifted.
so you know, i have reason to be really nervous right now. i'm taking a big leap and challenging my fears and making a commitment that i have to keep. and also it's not that deep. it's just a job. it'll stop being so new and cool pretty quick.
at least my work boots are hot.
Sneak Peek at Lops
May 29th, 2022alright, so i'm pretty tired writing this. just watched all of severance and it kind of sucked, might write a post about it tomorrow or something. but WHILE i was watching severance (and some real housewives), i got started on new visual references for my fantasy species: lops!
i'm too excited about it to wait until i have the energy to form a proper gallery and figure out where to put all my lop/worldbuilding stuff. so for now, i'm gonna show you guys what i've got, and add information later!
NOTE: to see full-size images, right-click and open in new tab. :)
left to right: lem (for scale), mirelop, cavelop, springlop, lushlop, cloudlop, sunlop, icelop, aqualop, bosklop, sealop
a tiny-sized lop (mirelop) next to a goliath lop (depth-dwelling sealop)
i'll post more about all these guys SOON...!
Reflections I
May 23rd, 2022had a doctors appointment today. when i woke up i was very floppy from going hard at the gym and buying a bunch of groceries yesterday, plus i only got about 6 hours of sleep... so i laid around for a few hours texting my husband and friends and re-reading authority by jeff vandermeer. it was midday when i had breakfast! googy eggs w a little diced bacon on some toast. i'm not a big fan of toast but there's something about egg yolk that just makes toast a divine experience.
so after that i worked on my site for a bit, finally got it working so that it would look good on mobile but still not entirely happy with how it looks. it'll take time. i got so distracted that i only left myself 10 minutes to get ready, so i rushed to get a cute outfit on (maybe i'll draw it after i write this?) and headed for the bus.
while i was walking across the park, a big fluffy black dog ran up to say hello to me!!! i saw it coming at me with a big puppy grin and took off my headphones. i said, "hi doggy!" and held out my hand as it got closer - it sniffed me for a second, then ran a little lap around me and bounded back to its owner. it put such a big smile on my face!! friendly dogs are the best!
on the bus, i'd planned to listen to a podcast, but ended up listening to fiona apple's album fetch the bolt cutters. weirdly found myself getting sad and angry about crap that my family's going through... but right when i was thinking about doing some really pointlessly vengeful shit, relay came on. "evil is a relay sport where the one who's burnt turns to pass the torch." alright, miss apple. i get you. it's not worth it. i'll behave.
after that, on my second bus (the trip takes a good hour and a half!), i put both toxicity and mesmerize by system of a down on shuffle together. that felt better. my second bus went past the river, along the road that follows it for several kilometres. i looked out at the water and it was uniquely beautiful today. for a long time, i tried to figure out what it reminded me of... and after a while i realised that it was like watching a silver sea, a soft metallic glow, almost lavender in its warmth. i love the swan river so much.
my appointment was pretty uneventful. all i'll say is that the state of trans healthcare in perth is pretty fucking abysmal, but there are a few doctors who'll do their best to work around the system.
after my appointment i caught the bus back to the city, still listening to system of a down. i like this bus route because it goes past the blue house! it's just this weird blue house that's sitting all alone in the river. i don't get to see it often.
my roommates asked me to get groceries, so i took my second bus to our local shopping centre. when i got on, my system of a down shuffle had finally circled back around to its beginning. i remembered i'd only listened to half of kittie's album spit at the gym the other day, so i decided to listen to the rest as i ran my errands. what a fucking ALBUM, man. i absolutely loved it. i'll definitely be writing a review! i think i like the second half best but i'll have to listen a few more times to see.
after i got our stuff, i went to the bus stop, but didn't feel like waiting and was antsy because i haven't gotten much exercise today, so i walked the 2km home. when i'm walking at night, i always sing loudly. i started doing it because it made me feel safe, but these days i just do it because it's really fun and nobody seems to care. mostly today i sang evanescence songs.
after i get this blog post up, i gotta figure out some kinda dinner. i think i'm gonna make some gyoza! just as many as i want for tonight, though. the rest can wait til the weekend. that, or i'll throw together some kinda vege thing. sky's the limit.